Don’t Tell Your Kids They are Smart

A Scientific American article says that a focus on effort will make your kids more successful than a focus on intelligence.

Our society worships talent, and many people assume that possessing superior intelligence or ability—along with confidence in that ability—is a recipe for success. In fact, however, more than 30 years of scientific investigation suggests that an overemphasis on intellect or talent leaves people vulnerable to failure, fearful of challenges and unwilling to remedy their shortcomings.

You may think that telling your kids they are smarter than the other kids will boost their self-confidence, but the research shows that this kind of thinking can lead to failure when the work becomes more difficult.  Learners that think they are more intelligent are quicker to become disillusioned by problems they cannot easily solve.

So instead of trying to pump your kids up with positive statements about how smart they are, tell them instead that their effort gives them an edge.  If they understand that they cannot possibly know everything, they will be ready to learn new things quickly.

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One Response to Don’t Tell Your Kids They are Smart

  1. Debbie says:

    The premise of the article echoes the “21st century skills” discussion on the importance of problem solving and team work. Kids who think they are smarter than other kids – and who are taught that their intelligence makes them better – will not be good team players. They will just be arrogant.

    Unfortunately, our educational system really does not reward effort, just right answers. Yes, there are a lot of teachers working to reward the process of thinking and coming up with creative ways to provide incentives for effort, but the bottom line is test scores and grades. Kids aren’t dumb and by 2nd grade, they know that effort isn’t enough without results.

    We teach our girls to be proud of the areas they are strong in academically, but to also to appreciate and learn from others’ areas of strength. It’s only when everyone is seen as “differently-abled” that everyone’s strengths can be appreciated. This also fosters team work.

    We also tell them that if they get all A’s, they aren’t challenging themselves enough! That’s a hard lesson to learn when they see the kids that will do ANYTHING for A’s (and this is in 3rd and 1st grades). I’d rather see some B’s and C’s since that tells me that they are stretching beyond their comfort zones. It’s hopefully teaching them that “failure” is not only an acceptable way to learn and grow, in some cases, it’s the only way!

    Besides – I’d rather my kids possess wisdom than intelligence. Wisdom is much more rare and will get them farther in the end.